Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu.

So “Lulu” has finally been made available (for those with eyes to find it) and so I can imagine Metallica are awaiting the inevitable worldwide backlash following the less than warm reception from “The View” when it was made available to hear online. But, it is not fair to judge an entire body of work based on one song. First thing is first. “Lulu” is a concept album based on lyrics Lou Reed wrote around some old German play about… blah blah yakkedy yakkedy… That is irrelevant. If you want to research that be my guest. However given Lou Reed’s ability to artistically shapeshift like a horribly wrinkly chameleon and Metallica’s annoying character trait of doing exactly the opposite of what their fans expect, you won’t be expecting traditional musical song structures when you approach this record, right? Good. Because “Lulu” plays like nothing you have heard before, and I’m pretty sure you should take that as a bad thing.
Opener “Brandenburg Gate” is a four minute exercise in repetition. Lou comes in with very poetic lyrics and James sings “Small town girl” over and over again, three chords ringing behind him. Musically, is it unmistakably Metallica, but unfortunately it sounds like leftover bits from the St Anger recording sessions. Lou Reed’s croaky, fragile voice rambles on throughout. An interesting way to open an album…
“The View” is a song you should have heard by now. A slow, nihilistic song which never really kicks in the way you would want it to. With lyrics so cryptic you should rightfully find James Hetfield singing “I am the table” hilarious. The only consolation being that it’s rather short compared to other songs. “Pumping Blood” gets things moving a bit. I actually quite like this one. Essentially it sounds like a poem some bloke with a black turtleneck sweater and matching French beret hat would spew forth to an audience of six in a dingy club with a band adding music for effect. Unfortunately that band happens to be Metallica. One good thing is that by now you are so confused as to what is going on that the sense of dread which this song attempts to convey really does work. Lars Ulrich does some pretty epic drumming to aid this feeling of pressure and by the end you feel like you’ve actually sat through something with effort attached. Except for the lyric “I’ll swallow your sharpest cutter like a coloured man’s dick.” That’s just plain daft.
“Mistress Dread” also gets my almost thumbs up. Musically it extends into old school 80’s Metallica thrash metal, but Lou Reed’s painfully slow vocals and the eerie strings that overlap the music mean that you definitely won’t be windmilling to this tune anytime soon. “Iced Honey” follows with more of the same bollocks that “The View” offered. A short, shit song. This collaboration only really works (i.e. doesn’t sound awful) when James and Lou don’t sing together. Their vocal styles are just too different to match up, and the way they interlap here in this song just sounds terrible. At least Lou Reed has always sounded a bit like he can’t actually sing, but James just sounds like he’s straining himself to fit in with the ageing rocker. It’s not good. “Cheat On Me” is the second longest song on the album, and it’s bloody difficult to get through. It reeks of pretentiousness, it’s annoying, it’s repetitive to the point where I felt confused. At no point is there any enjoyment. I’m pretty sure it’s a joke, but deep down I know that this is meant to be taken seriously.
At this point I would like to say that I am quite familiar with the way concept albums work. A narrative is told lyrically over music which conveys the protagonist’s journey. Also I am well versed with music over the standard length of a 4 minute pop song. Opeth and Porcupine Tree are two bands I love quite dearly, and they know how to tell a story through music, regardless of the song length. Metallica do not know how to do this. They have never collaborated in this fashion, and have not wrote music for anyone but themselves before. Lou Reed can essentially get away with anything because of his legacy as an art rocker, and so weird cryptic lyrics are kinda his thing. Plus there’s this story going on apparently about this chick called Lulu. But it’s been such a chore to get to this point if you still care about poor Lulu then well done to you. I lost interest a long time ago.
“Frustration” and “Little Dog” won’t help matters if you think it will pick up in the second half. The former having a semi interesting guitar riff to get you through the 8 minutes, the latter being incredibly depressing. “Little Dog” for me is by far the most interesting song on the album with an acoustic guitar playing over an incredibly sad vocal lament by Reed. Its here where his fragile voice doesn’t sound overstretched and his lack of tone doesn’t sound out of place with Metallica’s crushing guitar like every other song on this album. The finale, the 19 minute long “Junior Dad” came to me as a sigh of relief. It’s a serious effort to get this far, and while it’s not been a pleasant journey it has been an interesting one. Actually that’s bollocks; no album should every feel like a relief when you get to the end track. And they don’t make it easy there either. It’s another slow song, with one fragile guitar riff playing throughout for 13 minutes, then a 7 minute string section closing the record. Absolutely unnecessary.
I feel more annoyed with Metallica than I do with Lou Reed. I don’t own any Lou Reed records, I do love “Perfect Day” as a song, and I understand that his influence is incalculable. Im also aware that his brand of “art” is not easy to digest, and so I stay away, purposefully. Metallica are one of the biggest bands to ever walk the earth, and they have got there by breaking the rules time and time again which commands respect. This record could have been a collaboration with Lou Reed and anyone, it’s the Metallica name which drew me to it, which is why I am mad at them, not Lou. It sounds like everything a Metallica fan would despise. There are no hooks, no real riffs, no guitar solos, and no musical flair. James should not have sang on this record because his voice simply doesn’t fit. But as a Lou Reed record, it’s probably not half as bad as I just made out.
Lou Reed/Metallica – Lulu is due for release worldwide October 31st.

Be Sociable, Share!

•